Keeping it Real

As the excitement grows about our move over to Uganda, so does something else – FEAR. I’ve been battling this stupid thing called fear for my entire life it seems. I guess it will be a fight until the end. Sure, I have Jesus and I know in my head that he really is enough, but this nagging tag along just won’t seem to leave.

This morning when I woke up, I mentioned to Mike how strange our journey over to Uganda will be this time. We are going on a one way ticket and do not yet know when our return will be. I don’t seem to have a fear about this truth, but it does feel a little uncomfortable.

For some missionaries, they go without a plan of return, but I wonder if it is different for them. At any moment they can choose to direct the course of their life outside of the direction of the Lord and choose to come home. I guess we too could do that, but after so many years of laboring for the foundation of Show Mercy to be set in Uganda, I just can’t see us abandoning our post because it doesn’t feel good or is too overwhelming. I guess time will tell.

As I ponder my time serving full time in Uganda, I’ve realized a new tag along named failure is trying to walk this path along with me. I’m not afraid of failing and looking like an idiot. I’ve done that enough to realize life goes on and those who love you are steadfast and true. Those times in life when one does fall and looks ridiculously stupid in front of an audience of many, is a type of a colander for life. The things and people that didn’t really need to be near you, filter away. Those things which are true and full of love will remain.

This new feeling of failing has more to do with letting the people down which we are called to serve. I already know I let people down who are donating and helping to love the people of Show Mercy along with us. That has been a challenging aspect of full time ministry, but I am afraid a new type of “letting” people down is headed my way.

Is it wrong to prepare one’s heart for heartache and pain? I really do know better, but reality cannot be denied. I wonder if the needs of the people who will be living around us day in and day out will be too much for me. How do you decide who will get food, who will receive help for schooling, or who will get a little bit of your time?

I’m sure this next season will teach me to lean more into Jesus. He really is the answer! I’ve dreamed of seeing HIS power explode in the midst of the Field of Dreams. In my mind, I’ve seen HIM running down the dirt roads of Kaliti Village. I’ve seen HIM tucking little ones in bed at night. I’ve seen HIM wiping the tears of little ones who are scared and all alone. I am sure the answer will be to see HIM alive in me…remembering only JESUS can save. He hasn’t ever asked me to be the answer all HE asked is for me to believe in HIM and choose to love.

So I guess it doesn’t really matter what silly thing is trying to tag along with me. I know Jesus is always there and he will guide and direct my every step – If I let him!

Plan for today – Let God be God and don’t let the tag along named failure try to convince me to stand in HIS place.

Uganda Jam....A Gift of Time and More Time and Then Some More Part 1

Sorry for all the "deep" posts we've been posting! I forgot we were supposed to have fun, so with that in mind, we'll be posting some fun and hopefully amusing updates. They're probably more for us than you, because as we have written them up, we again have relived the moments. We've been reminded just how much our lives really do look like Seinfeld episodes:)

Uganda jam isn't found in a jar. You don't drink it with tea or put it on bread (like the sound of music), instead you sit in it and try to enjoy the many many minutes you are given to ponder how to change the world.

Traffic jams can happen suddenly. On our way to the airport this last time, I wanted to stop on the way and take my friends, Randy and Alisa, to eat at a nice restaurant as our way of saying, “Thank You” as well as good bye. They are leaving for a time of rest this upcoming June and our family will moving over to try to fill their LARGE shoes.

I thought we left our base in plenty of time to make it to my favorite restaurant, but NO. The famous Uganda “jam” happened. You see, there are very few working stop lights in Uganda. Even when there is a working stop light, you ignore it, because there is probably a white coat traffic officer whistling and directing the flow.You have to be careful, because if you yell at them to let them know they are allowing one line of traffic to go more than your line, you will be doomed. Even if you are starving and watching the clock tick tick tick away. They will turn their back to you, ignore you and the entire "class" will have to pay for your outburst. "No Moving for YOU!" (said like the soup Nazi on Seinfeld)

Back to the jam. We sat in the same spot for over 30 minutes, which meant we couldn’t stop to eat or we may not make it for our departing flight on time. 

When you hit a jam, you turn off your engine and just sit. That's when you wish you were on a moped taxi, called a boda boda. They zip in between cars, onto sidewalks, over embankments or do whatever necessary to continue on their way. I have another story to share with you about just this experience. That will be up and coming!

Since you are stuck, it's a great time to shop. YES, I said shop. You see, you get to enjoy a preview of almost anything and everything you can think of. It’s like a walking dollar store before your eyes. People walk by your car carrying the most random things. For instance, while sitting in another jam, Mike decided he needed some sunglasses. He found a pair of Oakley’s, I mean Oakies and loved them. The lens popped out a few days later, but what do you expect from Oakies! If you need a map, belt, bug zapper, hanger, basket, newspaper, peanuts, bra and the list goes on and on, you can find it on the streets while waiting in a jam.

Something to ponder. There might be some kind of arrangement between the white coats and the vendors. I mean, they create a captive audience of buyers SUDDENLY. I can't prove it, but just something to consider. (I'm joking, kind of :)

We are thankful for the police in Uganda! They really are helpful!!!

Stay tuned for part II - how to keep your sanity as the vendors bombard your car!

Angels of God

Mike and I returned from Uganda a little over a week ago. This was my first trip back since my battle with malaria. I wasn't sure how I would do while there, but it was an amazing time of overcoming fear and doubt as well as believing for even more God dreams.


I remember the first week after I was released from the hospital back in August. I was laying in bed (which was pretty much all I could do) pondering the amazing Awaken to Love trip in July and all that had transpired. First, I was grateful to still be alive and even able to ponder and think. (The malaria had traveled into my brain and began cutting off the oxygen flow. It's a wonder I can still function without any side effects. I could be funny here, but I won't). I wasn't sure what total recovery meant for me. I began to wonder if I would even be able to travel anymore. I wondered if I would see my precious kids in Uganda again. In those moments, the way I felt, so drained and weak, I wasn't sure it would ever be possible.

I also remember sitting on my back patio (about a month after I had been home) watching the beautiful Oregon sunset. I had a quick thought go through my mind - You will be living in Uganda for a season. I didn't really take it to heart, because I've had that thought so many times. The timing of it was interesting looking back. Funny how God knows what's up and coming. Wonder when I'll get a clue!

It did take a complete two months for my internal organs to heal and for the knife piercing headaches to leave. (I didn't realize it at time, but my heart still had some healing to do.) As I got stronger and stronger, I could see and believe that Uganda would see me again!

As we prepared for our team trip in February as well as our move over in June, I began to hear many people say, "Are you going to take preventative medicine? Are you scared you will get it again? What about your children? Moving to Uganda is a risk for them." I know the answers with my head, but my heart is still figuring it out. Funny how you don't know that until you meet the reality face to face.

It was definitely a battle this time in Uganda. I found myself thinking things I don't normally think. Malaria was trying it's best to remind me of it's vicious bite and scare me into doubting our upcoming Ugandan adventures with God.


One morning while spending my quiet time with the Lord, my eyes were opened to the scripture found in Genesis 32:1. It says, "So Jacob went on his way and the angels of God met him." If you know the story of Jacob, you know he took what was rightfully his brothers (even though his brother pretty much gave it up - birthright and inheritance) and his brother Esau hated him for it. (read Gen. 27) Jacob lived his life for a season, married and had children. Then one day it was time for him to go back home. As he headed out with his family and possessions, he had to face a fear...his brother Esau.

Right then, it was like God was saying to me, as you began this journey again...as you set out to face the shadows and fears of malaria...you didn't quit because it's been tough...you've stayed the course even when doubt or fear have tried to stop you...you are going back into the seemingly unknown...don't worry, I've sent my angels to meet you!

He definitely did that too! I didn't see the angelic hosts of heaven with my natural eyes (although I know they are there). I met some of the most amazing children on this trip. I saw innocence and purity which the enemy has tried to steal be awakened again in some little hearts. Looking lifeless and lethargic one day and full of smiles and shyness the next. I found hope and life in the little giggles of children ambushed with the fear of aids and malaria. I noticed the intricate details of the eyes of the children like never before. Sitting under a tree while taking notes about total orphans for sponsorship, I admired the curled eyelashes and could see my own reflection in the beautiful chocolate eyes of 4 year olds. I was reminded again why I said yes. I was once orphaned, but now I belong to HIM! The reflection we can all see in the eyes of a child, is the Christ in us, the hope of glory. We need each other. We are family!


As my heart was renewed and strengthened on this trip, Ive again pondered the answers to the "famous" questions from above. The what are you going to do and the what ifs! The answers...well, I'm not sure about taking preventative stuff. I think I might be a little scared of getting malaria again. I have thought about my children and can't bear the thought of anything happening to them. I do realize there is a risk in moving to a foreign land.

BUT, as I've thought of all of this, there is a fire in my bones for my Lord and Savior that won't go out. His love for me is so overwhelming, I can't say no to his call. The wonderful things he shares with me melt my heart continually. His love for the people of Uganda is so overwhelming to every part of me that has feelings. I just can't say no to his plans. I will not and can not allow fear to dictate my life. He has been there for me, even through the battle for my life (many times). I will not love Jesus with mere words. He gave his life for me. He is one of my best friends for sure.

Jesus is alive. I want to know him more and more. He has given us an opportunity to discover life more abundantly and we are honored to join him in it.  I am choosing to trust him completely. I will trust him with my life, with my husband, with my kids, with my ministry, with my stuff, with my dog...and the list goes on and on. This is something I want to do. It's not a sacrifice, it's a joy.

I look forward to hearing the little giggles when I again arrive in Uganda this June. I can't wait to see the smiles of thank you on the people's faces. They know how to express love in Uganda. You see it everyday. Love is holding hands, it's a smile, it's spending time with those you meet, it's stopping to help a total stranger, it's sending someone miles and miles to get a warm bottle of coke for a visitor, it's putting a mat down on the dirt, so a friend doesn't get dirty when he/she sits down. The list goes on and on.

Love, it's the new fashion for the 21st century! God is Love and He looks good on you.